X-Men: The Last Stand
Three Stars (out of five)
2006. Released by 20th Century Fox Home Video. Running time 104 minutes. Rated PG-13. Equipped with closed captions and English Subtitles. DVD has commentaries and deleted scenes.

Storm's hair and Wolverine's muttonchops face their greatest threat yet: Scissorman! X-Men: The Last Stand begins twenty years prior to the events of the present day, when Professor Charles Xavier and his friend Eric Lensherr are busy recruiting young mutants for Xavier’s school. Both men are visiting the home of a very promising mutant, a young girl named Jean Grey, whose psychic powers are off the charts. After another flashback scene that introduces the young Angel, we move forward to the present day, in the aftermath of the tragic events at Akilai Lake, where Jean Grey has died saving the lives of her comrades. Scott Summers (a.k.a. Cyclops), Jean’s lover, is still shattered over her death to the point where he shirks his responsibilities as the leader of the X-Men and rides back up to Akilai Lake by himself.

Magneto tries to get Bryan Singer back for Xmen 4...with no luck, since Singer's directing the next Superman film. Meanwhile, Hank McCoy, the Secretary For Mutant Affairs (a.k.a. Beast), receives some startling news from the President: they’ve captured Mystique, Magneto’s shape-shifting lieutenant, while trying to break into an FDA lab. But what’s really startling is what Mystique was up to in that lab: seeking information in government files regarding a "cure" for mutants. The "cure" will effectively change mutants into "normal" people. This turn of events causes another flare up of tensions between the mutant population and the rest of the world, as Magneto once again fans the flames of war against the despised homo sapiens. And on top of all of this, Jean Grey has somehow returned from the dead, but now as the all-powerful Phoenix.

For the last time, I don't want any Girl Scout cookies. Now go away before I melt your brain. The behind the scenes shenanigans of X-Men: The Last Stand proved to be far more interesting than the on-screen story. Bryan Singer, who did such a marvelous job directing the first two X-Men films, abruptly left the series to direct Superman Returns. Matthew Vaughn, who directed Layer Cake, was originally chosen as Singer’s successor until he bowed out at the last minute. Replacing him was Brett Ratner, the director of the Rush Hour movies, as well as the atrocious Red Dragon (ironically, Ratner was once considered as a director of the first X-Men film). Ratner is, if nothing else, a capable, workman-like director, and in his hands the action scenes in X-Men: The Last Stand are very well done.

Wait, you saw Hard Candy? Really? Didja like it?. One of my favorite moments is when Magneto attacks a convoy of government vehicles by crushing the cars like pancakes, then flinging them off the road. Another favorite scene is at the climax, when the hulking Juggernaunt and the petite Kitty Pryde have an unlikely confrontation that's fun to watch. Yet the film overall lacks the gravitas that Singer brought to his productions. Where Ratner just gives you a fun popcorn movie, Singer actually strove to give you food for thought, right along with the popcorn thrills. Also, Singer’s X-Men films were carefully balanced affairs which gave all of the characters an equal share of screen time, while Last Stand either shoves several beloved characters off to the sidelines, or kills them off completely.

And that's all the news that's fit to be called blue. Ha,ha, little mutant joke there! And now we go to Storm for the weather. Only Storm and Wolverine emerge as the main stars of the film--unfortunately, thanks to the one-note performances by Halle Berry and Hugh Jackman, neither character is strong enough to carry the film, a fatal flaw that shows why Last Stand’s focus should have remained on the X-Men as a team. And thanks to the film’s all too brief running time, interesting new characters such as Kelsey Grammer’s Beast, Vinnie Jones’ Juggernaut, Ben Foster’s Angel, and Ellen Page’s Kitty Pryde are all given short shrift. And speaking of short shift, the whole Dark Phoenix storyline, which X-2 had so magnificently built up to, has been sadly squandered here, as Phoenix is reduced to being just another lackey in Magneto’s mutant army.

Make a snippy remake about my hair, will you? Take that! The single-disc DVD only has a commentary, and deleted scenes with optional commentaries. There’s a more expensive version of the film on DVD, The Collector’s Edition, which features a widescreen version of the movie in a special slipcase that includes an X-Men comic book (sized down to fit the standard DVD box). The comic and the extravagant case are the only extras you get with the Collector’s Edition, so you may want to simply buy the more cheaper Widescreen Edition DVD instead (until another special edition DVD, with more special features, is released). Unlike Ratner’s Red Dragon, X-Men: The Last Stand is not a completely terrible movie; it’s very entertaining in its own right. Yet I can’t help but wonder what it would have been like had Bryan Singer remained at the helm. --SF

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