Elizabeth Kaitan and Cindy Beal star as Daria and Tisa, respectively--who are
otherwise known as the Slave Girls From Beyond Infinity. They’re a pair of
spunky blondes whose scant outfits seem better suited for a jungle girl flick.
Yet here they are, a pair of prisoners who are chained up aboard a maximum
security spaceship. However, it doesn’t take these vixens long to formulate an escape
plan by pulling their chains right out of the floor with sheer brute force and
then hijacking a shuttle once they easily over-power two burly guards (what are
they feeding these chicks, anyway, concentrated spinach?). After crash-landing
on the nearest planet, the girls get separated, with Daria finding herself alone
on a beach.
Wandering through a dense jungle (at least the décor finally matches her skimpy
jungle girl outfit) Daria stumbles onto a castle, which turns out to be the home
of Zed--no, not the dude from Pulp Fiction, but an aristocratic gentleman who
lives the good life with his robotic servants, and who enjoys a good hunt in the
jungle at night. The walls of his abode are filled with trophy heads of various
exotic alien animals that he bagged during his previous hunts. You know Zed’s a bad guy right off the bat because he gives
Darla and Tisa clothes to wear--damn him to hell! (Note to fans of B-movies: if you
like your women skimpily clad, then skip the dinner scene here, because that’s the
only one in the film where they’re fully dressed). Before you can say "The Most
Dangerous Game" Daria and Tisa find out that Zed is hunting people in the
jungles at night, and--gasp!--the girls are next!
Filled with horny robots; big, fluffy 1980s hair, and acting that’s more wooden
than all the trees in a forest, Slave Girls From Beyond Infinity is truly one of
the classics in the "so bad it's good" category. It tries hard to be a comedy in
some scenes, but the comedic moments fall flat, while the film overall is just
hysterically funny in an unintentional way. The production values aren’t half
bad, with most of the work going into the castle set, as well as a pretty
realistic-looking jungle set. It’s the lame script, loaded with way too much
corny dialogue, as well as the horrific acting, that’s got to be seen to be
believed--especially the listless "performance" (for lack of a better term) given
by Don Scribner as Zed.
Scream Queen Brinke Stevens is on hand to look shocked (and naked) while Zed and his robots
have their way with her, and Elizabeth Kaitan (who's billed as Elizabeth Cayton) works very hard to make her Daria
a mighty spirited heroine, but if only she could have worked a bit more on
getting her line delivery right, she would at least be in the same league as
some soap opera actresses--still bad, but watchable. But thanks to Kaitan's
scant outfit, she's extremely watchable, just in a different way. And that's the
real reason that SGFBI has been such a
popular title on video for almost twenty years: it offers several
gorgeous women prancing around for the better part of the film's running time in
skimpy garments, and if that’s your thing
(and who can blame you?) then have fun. For everybody else, SGFBI is basically a
low-rent Forbidden Planet that’s the perfect fodder to be mocked in a Mystery
Science Theater 3000-type get together with your (adult) friends. --SF
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