Once upon a time, the peace-loving family of Red Sonja was
slaughtered by the evil Gedren (Sandahl Bergman), who wanted to have her way
with the nubile farm girl, only to be turned down by her (apparently Gedren
doesn’t handle rejection very well, does she?). But after her family is
slaughtered, and her home is burned to the ground, Sonja--who is the only one
left alive--is visited by the Blue Fairy (at least it looks like the same Blue
Fairy from Pinocchio; maybe she needs the work), who promises Sonja that she
will have her vengeance. And by the touch of the Blue Fairy’s magical sword,
Sonja is turned into a great warrior…which doesn’t really explain why she has to
still go to warrior school later. Maybe the Blue Fairy’s instant warrior
transformation doesn’t cover knife throwing, or something.
In any case, Gedren, that spunky tyrant, is not done yet. She and her funny hat
posse raid the temple of priestesses who guard the Talisman--a glowing green orb
which is real bad news when you put it in direct sunlight. She uses it to
destroy the city of Hablok, which is the home town of Prince Tarn (Ernie Reyes
Jr.) an annoying little twerp who actually manages to make a bad film even worse.
Red Sonja, who is played with intense woodenness by Brigitte Neilsen, hates and
mistrusts all men (even though it was a woman who ordered the slaughter of her
whole family), and yet her bacon is constantly being pulled out of the fire by
Kalidor, who is played with equal wooden intensity by Arnold Schwarzenegger, who
gets top billing--as well as steal the on-screen thunder from Nielsen.
Although it’s directed by the late, great Richard Fleischer, Red Sonja is a
plodding, unimaginative mess. For one thing, the power of the talisman is never really shown;
Gedren’s assault with it on the city of Hablok occurs completely off-screen. And
a major problem with the film is that Sonja--apart from being played by a really
bad actress--is saddled with a top-heavy supporting cast that constantly upstages
her. Arnold, as Kalidor, is constantly called upon to help save the day, and yet the
name of the film is Red Sonja. You would think a heroine would be allowed to do
heroic things in her own film. A remake is reportedly in the works; hopefully
they’ll get it right this time.
--SF
Main Review Page | Fantasy Reviews |Nope, you don't want to buy this one, either.