The name is shortened, but the ride remains the same. Yes, over thirty years
later, the S.S. Poseidon is on a roll once more. Kurt Russell leads the cast
this time as a former fire fighter and mayor of New York City named Ramsey.
Freddie Rodriguez, best known from Six Feet Under, goes six fathoms deep this
time in the Roddy McDowell role as the helpful waiter. Josh Lucas is the pro
gambler with the heart of gold (???), while Kevin Dillon, playing another pro
gambler, channels his Drama character from Entourage with intentionally funny
results (watching Dillon in this film, one almost expects his Entourage
playmates to show up and chide him for making a bad career move by appearing in
this turkey).
Richard Dreyfuss, who bluntly stated in an interview that he did this movie
because he needed the money (hey, at least he’s honest), plays a gay architect
who’s been spurned by his lover. The scene where he’s about to leap overboard in
despair, only to see the killer wave approaching the ship (no need to jump in the
water, because the water is coming to you!), is the first of many
extremely funny moments in Poseidon, a film which proves that even a
director as talented as Wolfgang Petersen is capable of making a turkey.
It’s not that The Poseidon Adventure, the 1972 film that this flop is based on,
was a classic by any means. Well, the original was a classic, if you consider
over-the-top-camp to be among the great classic works of art. Just watching the
scenery-chewing hysterics of Shelly Winters alone was well-worth the price of
admission. But you would think that Petersen--the director of really good movies
like Das Boot, The Perfect Storm and Troy--would have tried to at least make a
more decent film here. Instead, we got another camp classic for the 21st century.
The new movie retains that cheesy, disaster flick vibe, especially in the
pre-wave scenes, with all the characters going about their business while
sprouting dialogue that’s so lame you can‘t wait for them to be killed.
And despite the fact that the sappy Maureen McGovern from the original has been
replaced here by the super-cool Stacy Ferguson (better known as Fergie from the
Black Eyed Peas) as the singer in the ballroom, the songs in this version are
still so bad that you can’t help but cheer mightily when the band gets killed.
Fergie survives the initial roll-over, yet she doesn’t go with the plucky
survivors, instead remaining in the upside-down ballroom with the Captain,
played with such grim earnestness by Andre Braugher that you’d think his frown
alone would be enough to keep the boat afloat. Speaking of the roll-over, the
one decent thing about the new film is the wave hitting the ship. The special
effects are marvelous, from the design of the new Poseidon--which now has the
high-rise resort design of 21st century cruise ships--to her destruction,
everything is right on the mark. If only the same could be said for the film
overall.
--SF
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