Dead Man’s Chest, the first sequel to Pirates Of The Caribbean,
opens on a disrupted wedding--that of Will and Elizabeth, who are both arrested
before they can even exchange their vows. When Elizabeth’s father, the governor,
indignantly protests as the irons are being slapped on his daughter and future
son-in-law, he discovers that they are being arrested by Lord Cutler Beckett.
Lord Beckett is imprisoning the young couple for the crime of high treason,
thanks to their part in helping Captain Jack Sparrow to escape justice. Yet,
during a private meeting with Beckett, Will discovers that his Lordship has an
ulterior motive: the East India Trading Company wants Will to track down Jack
Sparrow and make a deal for the pirate’s compass--the very same compass which
always points everywhere but North. Either Will does as he is told, or he and
Elizabeth shall face the gallows.
Meanwhile, Jack Sparrow has some trouble of his own when Bootstrap Bill, the
deceased father of Will, appears to Jack aboard the Black Pearl. Bill brings a
message for Jack from Davy Jones, of the infamous locker in the Deep Blue. It
turns out that Jack made a deal with Jones thirteen years ago to raise the Black
Pearl from her watery grave. Although Jack tries to argue that he hasn’t
technically been the captain of the Black Pearl for the last thirteen years,
Jones won’t hear any of it. The debt is due, and Jones has already sent a
fearsome leviathan after the Black Pearl known as the Kraken. There’s even more
to this long-winded plot, but you get the idea.
I tried to enjoy this one, but all I could think about as I watched this film was how sorry I felt for actor
Bill Nighy, who’s also known as the villainous Viktor in the Underworld movies,
who plays Davy Jones here. His face and entire body is buried under the
CGI-created, squid-like visage of Davy Jones, which is still pretty impressive
to look at. The CGI computers were racing on overtime for this film, which has
wall-to-wall effects sequences featuring the Kraken, Davy Jones’ motley
collection of a crew, and other assorted eye candy. Keira Knightly provides the
non-special effect eye candy (at least for the guys), while Orlando Bloom and
Johnny Depp provide something to look at for the ladies. And there’s just the
right amount of Road Runner/Wild E Coyote-type blend of comedy and violence for
the kids.
If I seem to be breaking this movie up into the sum of its parts, that’s because
I couldn’t get past how well designed it was--not created; no, Dead Man’s Chest
wasn’t an artistic endeavor by any means, instead it was as carefully designed
as a Disneyland ride to appease the largest audience as possible. Whatever
artistic merit there is, such as Bill Nighy’s acting talents, is buried under
the pop culture mentality avalanche of the film’s style: which dictates that it
must not stay still--or too quiet, as Hans Zimmer’s annoyingly obnoxious musical
score constantly pounds us over the head--or else the viewer might get bored.
Yeah, I know, it’s supposed to be a popcorn movie--but even a good popcorn movie
makes you care for the characters, whereas I could really care less about the
this water-logged bunch. Dead Man’s Chest ends with an Empire Strikes Back-type
cliffhanger ending, promising more hype to come in the third installment. I only
wished that this movie was as good as Empire.
--SF
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