Star Wars: The Phantom Menace
One Star (out of five)
1999. Released by 20th Century Fox Home Video. Running time 130 minutes. Rated PG. Has closed captions and English subtitles. Special features include an audio commentary, along with a massive amount of behind the scenes documentaries on the making of the film, which are on a second disc.

Natalie makes a desperate attempt to escape this movie...until she realizes with horror that she's signed up for two more films! DAMN! After a dry spell of about 16 years, The Phantom Menace, the first brand new Star Wars movie that was both written and directed by George Lucas, hit movie screens in the summer of 1999. Star Wars fans the world over were enthralled by the idea of a brand new adventure set in the galaxy far, far away that they so loved. On opening day, they madly flocked to the theaters, hoping to fall in love with this latest episode in a beloved fantasy epic.

But all of that changed once they actually saw the frigging film….

One of the coolest things in an otherwise uncool flick.... The Phantom Menace is a prequel to the original three Star Wars films, taking place several decades before A New Hope, when Darth Vader was a cute little boy named Annakin (Jake Lloyd) who pined for adventure on a barren, backwater planet. One day, two Jedi Knights, Qui-Gon Jinn (Liam Neeson) and his young apprentice, Obi-Wan Kenobi (Ewan McGregor) arrive, escorting Queen Padmé Naberrie Amidala (Natalie Portman) of the planet Naboo (does that mean she’s a Nabooian? Or a Naboon?) who had to flee her planet thanks to an invasion by the evil Trade Federation. With the hyper drive in their ship damaged, Padmé and the Jedi are stuck on this godforsaken ball of dust unless they can get the parts needed to fix their silver ride. Little Annakin steps up to the plate, winning an important race, which enables these heroes to get their ship fixed. The grateful Qui-Gon agrees to take Annakin along with them, helping to fulfill the little snot’s destiny to become a black armored-clad monster responsible for the deaths of hundreds of thousands--if not millions--of innocents throughout the galaxy one day in the future. But there’s still one major hurdle that our heroes must get past--one disgustingly horrid, putrid threat to all that is decent. Oh yes, you know the vile creature that I speak of: Jar-Jar Binks.

You hear that? That's the sound of silence. The audience is neither cheering or applauding, and it's YOUR fault, dipstick! The Phantom Menace actually begins very well. For the first ten minutes or so, we are treated to the spectacular adventures of a pair of Jedi Knights as they fend off the hostile droids aboard a Trade Federation ship, and it’s a kick watching these Jedi Knights of the Old Republic in action. It’s when Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan escape to the surface of Naboo that the movie takes a sharp nose-dive in quality, because it’s here that they meet up with Jar-Jar Binks. Played by Ahmed Best, who acted him out on the sets and who provides his voice, Jar-Jar was supposed to be the latest amazing achievement in special effects, the first fully realized Computer Generated character. But what Lucas wound up creating instead was a character that was so lame, he actually made the Ewoks look cool in comparison. Jar-Jar Binks, the slaphappy "comic relief", is so out of place with his off the wall, condescending style of humor that it often feels like he wandered onto the wrong movie set.

You get the feeling Lucas was inspired by a visit to Dunkin Donuts when he designed this ship? And while Jar-Jar is one of the biggest problems with Phantom Menace, he’s not the only one. The film suffers from a lackluster, predictable story, which trots along to the obligatory space battle at the end. This is supposed to be the first third of a three-part saga detailing the rise of Darth Vader, and yet at no time do we ever get that feeling; nor do we get the sensation that young Annakin, this "adorable" little tyke, even has a mean streak within him, let alone some hint of the dark side days that lie ahead. The film does have some bright spots, the first being the presence of Liam Neeson, who brings the proper weighty credence to his role as Qui-Gon, as well as Ray Park, who truly shines as the malevolent and mysterious Darth Maul. The other bright spot is the production design and special effects, which are outstanding, and which are examined in detail on a second disc that's filled with special features. Yet there is a lot of offal to wade through just to get to these nuggets of gold, making The Phantom Menace a very hard film to sit through without pressing down firmly on the fast-forward button. At least Attack Of The Clones is somewhat more watchable...but not by much. --SF

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