In a barbarous time known as the Hyborean Age, a Cimmerian
village is attacked by a marauding horde led by the mighty and charismatic
Thulsa Doom (James Earl Jones), who leads the deadly snake-cult known as Set,
which has a distinctive symbol of two opposing snake heads on their shields and
banners. Although the village does not go down without a fight, it’s citizens
are no match for these able-bodied warriors. When a mother and her young son are
captured, Thulsa Doom cruelly slices off the woman’s head and has the boy, whose
name is Conan, enslaved at The Wheel Of Pain. Years go by, and the constant
pushing at the Wheel Of Pain turns the young Conan into a powerful man who is
one day chosen to be a pit fighter. His master, who becomes very wealthy off of
the countless victories Conan has given him, sends his protégé to the East for
further combat instruction, which turns Conan into as deadly a weapon as the
finest sword ever made.
Once he’s set free by his master, Conan (Arnold Schwarzenegger) wanders the
wasteland, surviving off the land, thanks to his combat skills--until he finds a
partner in the form of Subotai (Jerry Lopez), a man slight in build but equally
deadly with a bow and arrow. Conan and Subotai soon plan to rob a religious
temple in a city--yet before they can even begin to scale the walls, they
encounter Valeria (Sandahl Bergman), another thief with the very same plan.
Deciding to team up, the threesome climb into the tower and rob the place of its
precious jewels, fighting their way through an army of disciples, as well as a
humongous snake. While the heist goes very well, Conan discovers that the temple
they raided was part of the very same snake cult that Thulsa Doom presides over.
Now that he knows his sworn enemy is still alive, Conan begins a quest for blood
vengeance.
John Milius was really the perfect choice to direct Conan. The co-writer of
Apocalypse Now, and the writer/director of Big Wednesday, Red Dawn, and The Wind
And the Lion, Milius always had a tactician’s understanding of warfare as well
as the mentality of a warrior. Ironically, he wasn’t originally a Conan fan, yet
once introduced to Howard’s stories, he very quickly grasped the essence of who
Conan was, and the resulting film is an extremely confident epic that boldly
tells its bloody story without any wishy-washy compromises. And if Milius was
the perfect director, then Schwarzenegger was perfectly cast as Conan. Yes,
there are moments here and there where his accent gets in the way, yet Arnold is
so physically perfect as the Cimmerian warrior that it does not matter.
Sandhal Bergman shines as the intense Valeria, a sleek warrior-woman who’s
Conan’s equal as both a fighter and a lover, and James Earl Jones is suitably
menacing in a different, more subtle way. And Max Von Sydow is great fun in his
small but showy part as a king. Production designer Ron Cobb’s sets still
expertly invoke a sense of a world that exists long before our own, and composer
Basil Poledouris’ memorable score is to Conan what John Williams music was to
Star Wars: its rich, stirring composition instantly transports you to the
forgotten realm of Conan the moment you hear its gallant, opening notes.
The DVD has a terrific 50 minute retrospective documentary on the film called
Conan The Barbarian: Unchained. There’s also a picture gallery set to
Poledouris’s Conan music, and a look at the film’s special effects. But do
yourself a favor and watch the film with the enjoyable commentary by Milius and
Schwarzenegger. Milius’ comments in particular are fascinating to listen to, and
both men provide some funny anecdotes about the harshness of filming the movie
on location in Spain. If you’re not a fan of Conan, or even of sword and sorcery
in general, then you should just avoid this film. But fans of the genre, as well
as Robert E. Howard’s hero, will love Conan The Barbarian almost as much as his
enemies hate and fear him.
--SF
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