A couple of weenies on a boat stumble across a deserted island, where they go ashore and are promptly
attacked by the BIG BAD THING in the woods. Later, more fresh meat arrives at
the island, this time in a seaplane, to spend the weekend partying at a remote
house. This walking bunch of horror movie clichés include two feuding
brothers--the "decent, sensitive dude" and his "rebel without a clue"
sibling--their party-hardy college buddy, and a pair of good-looking women who
provide the bare flesh quotient needed for a lame flick like this. One of the
women is none other than the divine Michelle Rodriguez, late of LOST, who was
the main reason why I even bothered to watch this stinker in the first place.
The deceased uncle of the brothers left them the house--which happens to share
the island with an abandoned research facility that conducted experiments on
dogs. (Gee, thanks, Unc! Love ya, too!) Before you can say Cujo, the pack of
wild-eyed canines attack our noble, if dim-witted, bunch of college students.
The dogs even seize control of the dock and manage, somehow, to cut the seaplane
loose from its moorings. These mutts are so smart that I was expecting them to
start up the plane and use it in a strafing run on the house. But they still
manage to cut the power to the abode, which causes one of the twits to get
killed when he dumbly checks the fuse box all by himself in the basement, so the
dogs are batting a thousand already.
As I’ve stated before, I rented this dog (there, I’ve finally said it, and I’m
glad!) simply because of the presence of Michelle Rodriguez, who’s always
watchable no matter what tripe she’s in. But if I thought Rodriguez’s mere
presence would be enough to elevate this stinker, I was barking up the wrong tree
(hey, the dog puns have already been unleashed, so I’m running with them). Dog
lovers will hate this movie, as many pooches get sent to that big dog house in
the sky in various and sundry ways. But dog haters--as well as cats--might enjoy
seeing that sort of thing. There’s no commentary, but the DVD does have a decent
"making of" documentary. The Breed isn’t even a "so bad it’s good" movie. It’s
just so lame that you wish it had never left the dog pound.
--SF
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